I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
