Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
