I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
