If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
