Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
