it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
