I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm sobbing to NWA
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
