Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
