Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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