I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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