his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
this hospital has no fireball
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
