cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
