that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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