he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
