i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Terrible idea I love it
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I see more hoeing in ur future
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