Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
