Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
