i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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