im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
