I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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