I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
