i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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