chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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