I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
