You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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