My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My pussy is not your playground.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
