If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
