Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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