i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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