how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
