How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
