I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
