I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
