They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
