I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My feet surprised me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
