Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
