your parents love me but you hate me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
