Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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