we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
