so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
