haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
