her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
