how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
