Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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