hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
