I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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