tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
