girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
