I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
