I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
