sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
