I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
did i just pee glitter
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
