i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
