Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
