***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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