I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
