Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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